UNEQUAL (SPIRITUAL) PARTNERSHIP: SOME THOUGHTS
In the more conservative camps of Christianity, there was this idea that I grew up hearing. The idea of being “unevenly yoked,” they called it. This idea is based on an INTERPRETATION of the Apostle Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians, specifically verses 14 through 18. I am not going to go deep into it, but it’s necessary for me to break this down to make my bigger point. The main reason why Paul is saying all of this, going into painful detail about how believers and unbelievers are not supposed to be in intimate relationship is because he was saying and doing everything in his power to distinguish the fledgling Christian church from the predominantly-Pagan culture. Just like our day and time, there were things going on in the Roman empire that were deplorable. Things that the Christian church wanted to make clear it was not about. And yes, I know, the Church over time has been just as bad, but that’s another post for another time.
Being unevenly yoked has some merit as an idea. But honestly, I saw it used and abused to exert power and control over people in those Christian camps. And I am going to be honest: whenever I hear it, it smacks of the same bullshit I grew up hearing about people needing to stay in their so-called race. That mixing and crossing that line was somehow a betrayal to one’s race. And it wasn’t just white people saying this. The very natural thing of being attracted to someone of another phenotype and culture was often frowned upon. I heard these ideas in my own family since my childhood, and thankfully they never took root in me.
Why? Because some of those same people with so much to say about it were in relationships outside their race. Or expressed a desire for someone outside their race. So I started to see that it was a willful act of suppressing a natural instinct. And I just don’t live like that.
Back to being yoked. When I say it has validity, I mean, outside of guilt and emotional manipulation, in this occult world it CAN be a big challenge when you practice something and your partner does not. This has been a challenge for me in the past, especially early in relationships. ATR traditions in particular have an intensity to the way we do what we do. They take a lot of time away from other things. They place demands on your life that few other spiritual traditions, even in occultism, do. This is one of the reasons why you hear me say repeatedly that ATRs are not for everybody. Few people want to practice something that sometimes forces uncomfortable changes to your life, especially changes that affect you and others around you.
And that’s just it. A partner not in these traditions, whose life is affected by it, has to make a decision. It’s a decision that is grounded in two things as I see it: one, that they see the value the spirituality brings to the relationship, and two, that they understand that compromises can be made, to a point, but some things are not negotiable.
What, then, is the key? For me, it’s communication. And not just talking about why I practice what I practice. I mean for real communication. Airing out the resentments, the dislikes, the frustration in how a practice interrupts life things. Put it all out there. Then once it’s on the table, the hard work begins of working through the issues. It will be hard work, and just like ATRs aren’t for everybody, neither is this kind of relationship.
But, I promise you, that if you do the work, it will be beyond rewarding.
